What do you do if you find out your spouse has never been attracted to you? There are lots of young and old marriages facing this predicament. Marriage is where, they probably have sex once a year, if that the couples hardly speak and when they do, their conversations are neither deep nor intimate.
What do you do if this is you? What are your options? What might the problem be?
This is more than sex, it is about more than sex. If you’re in this situation, odds are, your spouse is also not meeting any of your other emotional needs. Yes, they might provide for you financially and meet some of your non-core needs, but you are probably lonely in such a relationship. Beyond this, they are probably not letting you meet their own emotional needs that they married you to help fulfill either. You’re probably not friends, and you’re probably not partners.
This is difficult to deal with if you are in it. So what do you do? Here are a few tips;
Be Honest With Yourself
The first thing you should do is to be honest with yourself. What was your motive for getting married in the first place? Was it because you knew they could provide for you? Was it because you were lonely? Or had you read marrying age and marrying them was the next logical step? Be honest with yourself. If you do, it will help you make the very next critical decision.
See A Marriage Counselor
The reason this is crucial because you and your spouse are not in love and you must be in love in order to have a healthy marriage relationship. A good marriage counselor or coach is able to equip you with the tools you need to fall in love. However, if your spouse is not up for this and keeps kicking against all the advice to get help, then you might have to take the drastic step to rejuvenate your relationship, not necessarily a divorce, but a separation. If your partner is unwilling to be a partner in your life, unwilling to get the necessary help, unwilling to meet your emotional needs and doesn’t allow you to meet theirs, then what is the point of being together?
Marriage is a partnership of extraordinary care. You have to be concerned about each other’s happiness. You need time to rethink your vows of commitment and work towards a solid plan to get the purpose for your marriage back on track again. However, you need help and in order to do this, both of you must be willing to accept this help. If one of you is not willing to commit to this, then a temporary separation might be the only option.
Be Willing To Make Some Changes
You might need to make some changes. It could be that you’re too controlling, it could be that you’re too critical or it could be your anger. If you have a spouse willing to make some changes, you need to be willing to make some changes as well. Talk openly with your spouse, be kind and be vulnerable. If you want your spouse to trust you, do not lash out at them when they’re telling you their true feelings as this will cause them to shut down. Take it all in and decide to be the change that you want to see all around you.